Completely clueless

I love my mom and dad. I really do. They only give, they do not ask me to give anything back.

I just graduated. Being an Asian living in Europe, in a country where they don’t use English as a business, or job, language, it is so hard to find a job. I am doing language courses now, but it will take me a long time to get fluent like English to actually find a job that goes with my degree. I think I will stuck with doing low-skilled jobs forever if I live here. (not that there is anything wrong with low skilled jobs, I would love to work as a waitress. I just think that it would be a waste of time studying and actually getting a proper degree…)

I just feel guilty keep spending my parents’ money. At some point I know I will give up, go home, and try to find ‘actual’ jobs.

It is just so hard to be an Asian in Europe. Heh, it is hard being an Asian even in Asia. It’s just the way the world works. I fully understand it. But a lot of times you just have to let your frustration out. A working, or an internship visa, is a freaking barrier. It’s a barrier no matter where I look. I have interviews with companies, they have their interests in me, they send me emails asking questions, but as soon as I tell them I need to a work permit, they stop contacting me. Completely. Rude. Unprofessional. At least just give me some excuse, or just say the reason straight, no harm done. Right? Rather than living a human being with feelings and dignity feel hanging and disappointed.

Yes. Life is hard. I know.

I have been crying on the inside the whole day. I know that tonight I will cry myself to sleep.

Oh the 23-year-old crisis.

Completely clueless. Why am I even living?