Pain of grief
When we get a loss of a close and dear person, what primarily arises in our minds out from the shock – why this happened?! The rational mind trying to understand the cause of this loss, and somehow to find an explanation. Explanation is required in order to comprehend why this happened to us? However, experiencing a loss and looking for answers and explanations, we get painful emotions inside, such as – anger, guilt, hopelessness, resentment, meaninglessness, anxiety, sadness. During mourning experienced negative emotions sometimes are poured onto the closest people, themselves or others, and persistent anger becomes destructive. Anger and accusations do not reduce pain of grief, but only deepens it and do not allow to leave when we constant search for the truth and accuse all around us.
Almost everyone experiencing a loss, first ask oneself – “Do I have done everything to protect my closest one?” “Maybe I could make more …”. They are tormented by the last episodes of lost loved one’s life revision in mind. Experiencing loss people think what could have been done differently to avoid the death, blame themselves because they feel responsible for the loved ones and always find a reproach for themselves what have not done, what have not tell to loved one.
Often, we are angry with the whole world, which seems unfair and meaningless. It is incomprehensible how God could let a loved one to withdraw from this world. We going through a loss, are faced with the meaninglessness and aimless life, when we are left without loved one.
So why we get angry and accuse ourselves and others? Because the anger and hatred to others partly facilitates the grief, but also prevents to finish mourning process – come to terms with the loss. Some are thinking that reconciliation will take away their connection with the lost loved one, as long they are angry, fight – as long the memory about lost one is raised of a deep heart to the surface. The long-term anger can become a habit and a way of life that destructive effects on all the others. However, to feel these negative emotions is natural, because it is part of grief. We should understand that we can not change the circumstances of the loss, no one could predict that this will happen. Whatever you choose depend only on you – either continue to be angry with the whole world or find the strength to forgive and live your life.